Dear Carnal Counsel,
I'm in a committed loving relationship with a great guy. We live together and recently my brother passed away. He's been key in my dealing with the death. The other day I recieved a call from my ex. He heard about my brother and wanted to get together. Now I can't the phone call out of my head. I don't know what to tell my boyfriend and if I should even meet up with this guy?
What a difficult situation. It sounds like the ex reminds you of times when your brother was alive. You and your ex can compare stories and remember all the awesome things your brother did. Unfortunately, this emotional overload is paired with the load of emotion of an ex-lover.
Your boyfriend seems to be a stable and understanding guy. He has helped you and will continue to help you through the death of your brother. I think what you need to do is explain the entire situation to your boyfriend. Explain that you're not interested in him but in what he represents:the ability to remember some more times with your brother. Make sure he knows exactly what you're going through so he can also be there with you.
Maybe he can help by joining you in the visit with this ex. Maybe he can offer a good perspective on how to deal with the situation. If for some reason he can't understand why you feel drawn to see this ex, you may need to consider the relationship and its importance to you. It is not up to your boyfriend as to how you grieve.
No matter what, respect all involved. And respect yourself too. Listen to what you feel and think. This will be what leads to emotional growth.
