To Pull Out or not to Pull Out

Dear Carnal Counsel,
My very new boyfriend and I were getting ready to do the deed
this morning, and I pulled him out and I was like yo put
a prophylactic on. So he goes over to the the stash drawer and he's fresh
out... so I'm like just pull out its fine, and I ask if he's been tested
recently. He told me he has (blood only though, so in theory he could have the 'mydia). And then he says "You need to go on birth control."
Like it's really easy... so that he can fuck without a rubber. And like
I'm worried about pregnancy. I already know that it'll be hard for me to
get preggers. And if I do, I have options if you know what I mean. I
just don't want diseases, that's why I care about rubbers. Like, until he
gets tested while we're together and real way (swab up the dick) then we'll be using rubbers. Should I be pissed? I mean, his intentions were
good--but the implications were all wrong.

As soon as a boy thinks he can get away with riding bareback, he'll push until he can. This is a generalization. I have met very careful men in my past. But what has been consistent is the responsibility of pregnancy to be placed on the woman. This assumption in turn creates a conflict between the couple in question. The female is once again assumes guilt for not effectively being prepared for sex.

Lets return to the mantra of a the virgin/slut titling. Traditionally men carry condoms rather than women. There was a stigma behind a woman having their own condom collection for gentleman suitors. Luckily, this stigma is slowly changing. Many women know it is smarter to be safe and prepared versus being labelled. Unfortunately, this has also shifted responsibility. Not unfortunate for either gender, just unfortunate in the name of "safe sex." Remember the b0b0 cartoon "Family Circus?" If you ever suffered through the comic you'll recall there was a "ghost" character called Not Me. Not Me was who took the blame when one of those dastardly devils broke something and didn't want the blame. The condom struggle becomes a case of the "Not Me."

So, we have two people who for better and for worse, are having committed sexual relations with each other. Each person expects the other to exercise responsibility in the relationship in order to fully trust each time they go down. Rather than make it a me vs. you or an expectation of you vs. another make it a couple decision. Both partners should get tested together. Its less of an accusation of guilt and rather an affirmation of your dedication to the relationship. If it is expected of you to get birth control, ask for your partner to contribute to the cost.

If they refuse or complain, remind them each time they could be purchasing a new package of condoms. Or not getting any at all.

In fact, ignore all the advice I said before. There's always the option to refuse sex. That method can easily get your partner to wisen up. That way you can keep from being pissed and just be spiteful instead.

Oh--and stop depending on pulling out if you don't want diseases. Duh.